I'm don't know why it's not so clear, but I feel I've known you for years, laughing cause we've got nothing to lose.

last night was really, really fun.

i didn't really expect to have fun, honestly.

i basically thought i was just gonna hang around on the outside feeling fat? haha.

but for some reason last night i didn't feel self concious. except my bathing suit bottoms almost fell off a few times, but it's okay, haha.

i felt includedd. and just happy. happy to be a part of things. happy to finally have amazing friends who were all together. happy to finally do things on friday nights. 

if that was the start of summer, i'm really excited ! 

and tar and linds had a blast. i'm so glad. i love them so much and i'm really glad everyone totally got along! it was so cool to have everyone together. except for like egan and the random guys who disappeared like the whole party? am i the only one who noticed that? haha :p

except for the creeps we didnt know, i got along with everyonee! except when i called ao "gayo" :p i couldn't resistt! and now he probably hates me more but whateverr.

even when gar was being sucha weirdo i was like gar just stop. no one wants to see you dancing like that. and hes like i love you anjaa! i was like love you tooo! haha. idk that just made me feel better like he actually doesn't hate me. 

i always automatically think people hate me, haha. they usually dont,

except for gay-o :p

the only bad thingg is i have like a cold. my nose is stuffy and i've been coughing but it's not horrible. 

i really miss you.

i want to hear all about your night.

you need to blog again, asap.

i love youu. forever. :]

My hands are shaking, time was never on our side, and there's no such thing as a beautiful goodbye.

so interesting weekend so farr.

besides the whole you know what thing, the campout was so much fun.

i like really bonded with everyone, especially everyone besides you and shan, duh. 

mr. you know who, hasn't called my parents yet. 

i just can't wait for that? 

but i actually think everything is going to be okay.

we have a day off tomorrow, so we can just relaxxxx. im definitely going to sleep late. 

if anything, this has kind of made me realize, that i never want to lose you. 

it sounds kind of weird i guess, but now that we can't talk/hangout with him, it's made me think and like it's not going to be so bad i guess since we never even talk anyway, but i can't even imagine not talking to you, and not hanging out with you, or shannon, or both of you. it would make me so depressed. i couldn't handle that. 

and like looking back and seeing that in those first really scary moments, we were there for each other, you know? i was holding your hand and michele's hand and then we just prayed together, and like that really formed a bondd. those are the kinds of people who don't leave, and i can only hope that you won't leave, and that shan won't leave. and i know you won't. 

whichh is the best feeling ever, bc i can trust you and tell you everything. 

i love you 

and everything with this is going to turn out okay. 

:D

out one day, walking one day, out one day with you hallelujah.

last night was really fun. 

apples to apples. and shes the man. 

and laughing. at each other. with each other. 

i had a greatt timee.

so today was pretty good i guess. 

i can't stop thinking about summer. 

i'm really excited. but im also really nervous. 

like what if things don't turn out the way i want them to. 

what if i don't have fun. what if something bad happens, or i fail like i do now? haha. 

i don't really know whats going to happen this summer. and that scares me. 

i love being in control. i need the whole plan, like all the time, and to not have a plan like freaks me out.

but basically what i know is that. 

you and me, maggie. together. this summer. 

as much as possible. because that's the way it was supposed to be. the way it should be. 

the way it is. 

a lot of my life is kind of spinning, waiting, wishing 

but i have constants. 

you. shannon. sarah. and last night, like when it was you, me, shan, sar, and howell and we were just like having that talk on the couch, i was just like, wow. these are the people. the people in my life who don't leave. some of the only ones who haven't. 

and i love that. and i feel really lucky to have that. 

and that's what makes me not freak out too much about the summer. 

because if it's with you 

it's gonna be amazing. 

i can't wait. 

the sky falls, you feel like it's a beautiful day.

today was amazing. 

so in the beginning, my confirmation didn't mean anything to me. 

but obviously today, it mattered. today meant something. 

and i am so, so happy you guys were there. 

it was amazing to like look out and see you guys. 

even though i struggled to see you as i cried hahaaa :p

i know that i'm going to like remember this for a really long time, and i will always remember that you guys were there supporting me, that meant so much to me it really did. 

this weekend has been so amazing. 

last weekend too! like last weekend i went to the beach with tar. this weekend, i get to go to an amazing concert, hang out with sage, and have an amazing confirmation with my bestfriends there!! what more could i want? 

and next weekend has to be great too. idk when i will have the girls night, i have to ask my parents, but whatever we do next weekend, i'm so excited to make more amazing memories like the ones this weekend :D

i'm your biggest fan, i'll follow you until you love me.

"But you know what? I feel beautiful. Beautiful and dirty rich." 

gaga. was so amazing. 

like i've already told you all about it but whoaa. 

and she said that quote last night before she started singing "beautiful dirty rich". 

i really wish sar had been there with me. 

i know she would've been freaked, and probably would've cried, with all the pushing and the people and stuff, but she really would've loved the actual performance. who wouldnt? haha. 

least fav moments of the night :

- being crushed?

- not being able to breathe. haha

- being shoved aside by a bouncer going in to save some girl who had gotten taken under and was cryingg.. 

amazing moments of the night :

- like i told you, when she sang paparazzi, and she sang "im your biggest fan i'll follow you until you love me," and everyone just had their hands in the air completely like awestruck by her. it was so cool. 

- dancing and being crazy. 

- when you first walked in it just looked so cool and club-ish. well it is a club or whatever but you just automatically feel like 21 and cool. i loved it. haha

- she sang poker face to the piano she played which was clear, and had all these bubbles in it, and her dress had bubbles on it, and she was like, "why are you guys so obsessed? i'm just a blonde bitch wearing bubbles!" hahaha. it was so great.

so yes the weekend has definitely kicked off on a great note. sounds like yours did too :p

and i guess now i just am gunna hang out, my godfamily now is coming at like dinnertime instead of lunchtime, so i probably could've hung out with you guys, but now i can't because i have to go find jewelry for tomorrow haha :p

i practiced my speech at the church and it went well. i'm probably gunna cry.. haha :p

i'm so excited for tomorrow. :]