summer 09.

oh summerrr.

i didn't think it would go by so fast.

it seems like it just started, you know? like school was just ending. or i was just at field hockey camp, or in maine, or singing in disney world.

It's funny how one summer can change everything. It must be something about the heat and the smell of chlorine, fresh-cut grass and honeysuckle, asphalt sizzling after late-day thunderstorms, the steam rising while everything drips around it. Something about long, lazy days and whirring air conditioners and bright plastic flip-flops from the drugstore thwacking down the street. Something about fall being so close; another year, another Christmas, another beginning. So much in one summer, stirring up like the storms that crest at the end of each day, blowing out all the heat and dirt to leave everything gasping and cool. Everyone can reach back to one summer and lay a finger to it, finding the exact point when everything changes.
~Sarah Dessen, That Summer

that quote really couldn't be more true.

things did change this summer. for me, for you, for everyone.

i think that's how everyone can come back to school no matter how much they don't want to-

because things have changed, they have changed, and they want to see how everyone else has too. thats true for me at least, i like to try to predict what'll happen in the upcoming year,

but let's be honest,

everything changes during the summer.

hearts soar, or they break. friendships grow stronger, or they dissolve.

things fall apart or they fall together.

i think somehow, in all the crazyness that was my summer, things fell together.

i'm not sure how. and i'm not sure i'll know how, for a while, or maybe ever.

all i know is that something feels right. this summer felt right.

this summer felt like i was where i was supposed to be, finally. with the people i was supposed to be with.

it's like i spent last year searching for a place and for people, and i found them and thats what my summer was made up of.

i couldn't have asked for a better summer.

i did some amazing things in these almost-three months.

and i have no regrets.

and as for that first graphic? i love the saying at the top. memories are just gah amazing. i made some really amazingg memories this year and a lot of the best ones have been with you maggie. boysboysboys! ;p but even better than that, is that i know how many memories we're going to make in the future. california and the killers. we are going to have the best time. ever. i can't wait.

so to closee, i hope you had an amazing summer my love. i'm pretty sure you did.

here's to summer 09, best summer of my life.

for now we are young, let us lay in the sun, and count every beautiful thing we can see..

i don't want school to start.

first of all, i didn't do any summer reading. i'm not prepared at all, i have no school supplies! i haven't even tried on my kilt, who knows if it even fits.

but its not even about all that.

its about summer ending.

i feel like sometimes summer is like a book

and once school starts, it shuts, and it's never really opened again. like no one wants to talk about it anymore, because its in the past and its done with and its time to make new memories.

but if you've read this blog, at all, or know me, at all,

i have issues with moving on ;p

nah i definitely have moved on from certain things.

last night i had this horrible insomnia though. like i was so awake, and i had like really bad leg pain and i layed in bed and cried for like three hours from like 1-4 in the morning. and i tried to get out of bed and i just cried harder because my leg hurt so bad. it was so bizarre and painful and i just wanted to die. it's been that way for the past three days.

so now if i wake up tonight, im going to get up and walk around. like take a walk around my neighborhood or something. maybe it'll be like that sarah dessen book and ill find an adorable boy with insomnia and we'll be perfect for each other and explore paoli by night ;p

i am excited to see everyone though. it'll be nice to be able to all hang out again! =]

looking at you makes it harder, but i know that you'll find another..

so this is it.

this is the last time i'm going to write about you.

this is the LAST TIME i'm going to cry about you because this isn't worth it.

you don't deserve to be in my head like this.

it's not fair that im all messed up and i'm sure you're not. i'm sure you're just living your stupid douchey life.

maybe later, i'll be ready to talk again, and to like be friends again.

but honestly this isn't good for me right now.

you're not good for me.

why did you do all this?

or honestly it's more about what you didn't do.

why didn't you talk to me?

did you care?

i did.

i never stopped caring.

i still do, and i don't want to.

caring means that you still have some kind of hold on me

and i don't want to start a new year with that. i don't want anyone to have anything on me.

and i still don't regret anything. after all this crapppp i've been feeling.

it wasn't okay to run away like that.

it's still not and i'm pretty much accepting that you aren't ready for anything, and you just might not be the person i thought you were.

i put you up so high.

you are so low.

so this is for every thought i've wasted worrying about you and about this.

i really hate that i ended up feeling this way, i never thought i would.

but this is it.

this is the end of me feeling like this because

you

don't

matter.

you don't have a hold on me anymore. i'm living my life without you because frankly you're not in my life anymore.

when you are, i'll deal with it then.

but right now, it's about me.

it's my life. with my best friends and my last two weeks of summer

and you don't control the way i think anymore.

i don't know what to do, i think i'm falling for you..

I closed my eyes, thinking back to summer and cool pool water and long days with nothing to do except go swimming and sleep late.

~Sarah Dessen, Someone Like You

mehhhh.

i don't want summer to end.

it's not fair.

im talking to sarah and she said, what do you want?

what do i want?

i want to spend forever here. forever summer.

i want to wear tshirts and flipflops and shorts. i want to see my friends whenever i want to.

i want to go back to maine.

keep staying up late, and sleeping in. watching movies and reading and degrassi marathons and anything i want. water ice and ice cream and lemonade.

best friends. and boys.

and just everything, you know?

summer isnt just summer.

its likee vibes ! good carefree vibes =]

andd im pretty sure once september rolls around the vibes are gonna be gone.

school. please kill me?

buttttt we have a month left. one more glorious month :D

and i wanna make the best of it !!