looking at you makes it harder, but i know that you'll find another..

so this is it.

this is the last time i'm going to write about you.

this is the LAST TIME i'm going to cry about you because this isn't worth it.

you don't deserve to be in my head like this.

it's not fair that im all messed up and i'm sure you're not. i'm sure you're just living your stupid douchey life.

maybe later, i'll be ready to talk again, and to like be friends again.

but honestly this isn't good for me right now.

you're not good for me.

why did you do all this?

or honestly it's more about what you didn't do.

why didn't you talk to me?

did you care?

i did.

i never stopped caring.

i still do, and i don't want to.

caring means that you still have some kind of hold on me

and i don't want to start a new year with that. i don't want anyone to have anything on me.

and i still don't regret anything. after all this crapppp i've been feeling.

it wasn't okay to run away like that.

it's still not and i'm pretty much accepting that you aren't ready for anything, and you just might not be the person i thought you were.

i put you up so high.

you are so low.

so this is for every thought i've wasted worrying about you and about this.

i really hate that i ended up feeling this way, i never thought i would.

but this is it.

this is the end of me feeling like this because

you

don't

matter.

you don't have a hold on me anymore. i'm living my life without you because frankly you're not in my life anymore.

when you are, i'll deal with it then.

but right now, it's about me.

it's my life. with my best friends and my last two weeks of summer

and you don't control the way i think anymore.