i know its hard to believe but i've never been more alive.

 "I knew that there were no guarantees. No way of knowing what came next for me, or him, or anybody. Some things don't work out, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there."

~ this lullaby, sarah dessen. 

last night was great.

and it wasn't great because like it was amazing with me and a guy or anything. for once, it wasn't a guy. 

it was just everything, you know? being with friends. amazing amazing friends.

just living in the moment, with you mag, laying on your trampoline with everyone in a tangled up group of legs and god, i don't think i've ever laughed as hard as i did last night. 

and at one point, when everyone was all silent, it wasn't really awkward. and i just like looked up and it was beautiful. the sky. and there were stars, but not a ton, just a few just like sprinkled across the sky. 

and the stars were you guys. all of you, there, and here. 

and i like had a moment where i realized how much my life had changed, and how much i currently love it. how much i love being with you, with everyone. 

how alive i feel. 

if youuu remember i had some issues with that in the first half of the year, haha. i was dead but breathing so to speak.

but like now i can laugh. and be crazy and weird and stupid. and yeah i have my insecure moments i had some last night but its okay because in the end it all works out, right?

i really hope so because i don't want to lose this. at this point, it's right. i just gotta keep it that way. 

kissesss. anj