well maybe there's a God above, but all I've ever learned from love, was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you.

so that title

is from my ultimate amazing lifesaving song 

hallelujah :D

it kinda describes my mood, but not as shockingly so as my titles usually do, i just have been listening to this song alot lately.

i've always equated that song to death. 

yeah, i know. 

and with my grandfather in the hospital, ive been all scared and everything. 

on the way there tonight, i honestly was convinced he was dying. 

my dad called me and was like get outside in 5 minutes we gotta go to the hospital right now. 

so on the way i listened to two songs overandover.

hallelujah, and last goodbye. 

once again,

yeah, i know. 

turns out, he looks so much better. and all he can talk about is how he doesn't wanna miss my confirmation.

i feel so terrible. i want him to be there so badly, but i want him to get better even more badly.

i am so excited that you will be there.

basically all my best friends will be there. 

and it's going to be really special. i can just tell. 

i probably will cry. a little because of nervousness. a little because of sadness my pop isnt there.

mostly because i am so overwhelmingly amazed that i have you. 

don't ever forget that. 

and that's what kind of makes my title different to me, is because its so opposite of how i feel in ways right now, like you guys really are love. you shannon sarah. tara and rachel. lindsay if she could be there. 

this week has been strange. some days really hot some rainy? okk :p

but not just that obviouslyy. 

i feel like sometimes this week i've just been walking around in a blur like whats going on. 

and then i've had some really great moments too. 

eh whatever. haha

and im just excited to start the weekend. concert tomorrow, sage (godsister :p) coming saturday, amazing sunday. 

yayy :] 

love always and forever. anj