it seems i'm too hip to keep tight lipped, and you're on the gossip team.

If you spent your life concentrating on what everyone else thought of you, would you forget who you really were?

~nineteen minutes.

today. was. ridiculous.

i like don't even know how to express what i feel right now.

first off, confused. confused because i dont know what people are saying about me.

if they are saying what she said they are, then i'm hurt on top of that. 

aggravated to the majorr because i just don't need this right now. 

and scared.

have i changed? like i was honestly so stunned when she told me that.

that i'm "too into myself now, trying too hard to be popular, not sweet and funny like i used to be". 

i couldn't even say anything to that. i can't. i basically just like sat down and cried.

for once i'm decently happy, and now this? like is this for real? 

and then i asked some people for advice, blah blahh, and she thought i was mad at her, blahh blahh, and we worked things out. everything's fine now but. i still am like really freaked.

i don't know what to do! apparently i talk too much about my plans with people in front of people who aren't invited, which i actually have been trying to work on but i just gotta do better. i can fix that.

but like? i don't think i've changed. i'm not trying too hard. i'm hardly trying at all.

i have made so many new friends this year and gotten so much closer to old friends, and i haven't lost any friends. not one. yeah me and friends have had fights but WHO. DOESN'T.

these fights actually usually end up making our friendship STRONGER!

my worst. worst. fear is people talking about me badly, being the one that people look at in the hallway and think to themselves bad things about me and like laugh at me. 

honestly the first 3 periods of school today i was so freaking paranoid and everytime someone laughed i was like omg. and it was so nightmareee-ish.

i just don't know what to do.