you spin my head right round right round.

so fun weekend so farr! last night was awesomee at your house mag and great sleepover too :]] scary miner children!! ahaha. so i just am in a survey mood so here goess! and i hope your having fun in marylandd! 

Are you available? in what way? 

Are there any stressful situations in your life? 
yes of course! 

Do you go to the bathroom with the door open or closed? 
closed. haha. 

Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life? 
of course. 

Where did you get your last bruise from? 
probably falling. 

What are you currently hearing right now? 
right round by flo ridaaa :]] 

Is there a reason for your MySpace song? 
well i have facebook songs, and yeah sure. 

Anyone crushing on you? 
no clue haha prob. not 

Has anyone ever given you roses? 
negativee. haha

What are you looking forward to? 
the next time i can see my friends. 

Do you worry your last ex will move on & be happier with another person? 
dont really have an ex. 

Are you really happy or are you just saying that? 
actually, i am happy. not really, but just happy. 

When did you last hold hands with someone? 
last night. 

If you were kicked out of your current residence, whom would you call? 
probably sar or maggie. actually probably any one of my good friends 

Do you think relationships are hard? 
they can be. definitely. 

What was the last reason that you CRIED?
i felt alone. 

Are you a loud person? 
bahaha usually! 

When was the last time you slept on the floor? 
last weekend. 

Will you have a valentine this year? 
maybe? probably not. 

Did your parents do drugs when they were younger? 
noo clue.. i dont think so though. 

Are there framed pictures from your parents wedding in your house? 
yep. 

Who inspires you the most? 
so many people. like so many. 

Do you hate the last person you kissed? 
no! 

 Have you accidentally sent a text to the wrong person? 
actually i dont think so.. haha 

Something you really want right now? 
apple pie :D 

Have you lost contact with someone you wish you didn't? 
ohhh yes. 

Have you ever been called a B?
yeah i think.. 

Do you feel like you are a B? 
nope. 

 When someone says "we need to talk", what runs through your mind? 
im in trouble or something serious is going on. 

Is there someone you want back in your life right this moment? 
of course. isnt there always someone? 

Do you need to say anything to someone? 
hmm. idk. 

Do you like to make the first move? 
nope. 

Can you honestly say that things are running smoothly for you? 
actually, for the first time in a long time, yeah. 

Do you know the words to the song/songs on your MySpace profile? 
yeah i know all the lyrics to almost every song on my ipod. haha 

Do you ever hang out with someone of the opposite sex? 
of course! haha 

Who was the last person you cried in front of? 
probably lindsay. i actually dont know tho i usually cry by myself. 

What was the best thing that happened to you this year? 
getting closer to amazing friends. 

If you could go back 8 months and change something would you? 
i would've had hope. and pushed through. i was so weak. 

How do you feel about your relationship status? 
fine i guess haha 

Any summer plans for 2009? 
yeah i cant wait :]] 

Who was the last person you rode in a car with? 
my mom. 

In whose arms do you feel safest in? 
any one of my friends really. 

01.  I just woke up within the last half an hour.
02.  Despite the time, I am still pretty tired.
03.  I did not shower yet today.
04.  I prefer to shower in the evenings and not the mornings.
05.  I feel like I could go back to bed right now.
06.  Last night I read a book before I fell asleep.
07.  I plan on going out to dinner today.
08.  I would rather eat at a casual place than somewhere fancy.
09.  I do not like long car rides.
10.  I like going places on school buses.
11.  I've had a cup of coffee today.
12.  There is a really good coffee shop nearby.
13.  I try to wish on 11:11 as much as possible.
14.  I used to have a crush on one of my friends.
15.  When I was younger, I had way more girl friends than guy friends.
16.  I had a great childhood.
17.  I plan on staying home all day today.
18.  I love Chinese food.
19.  My birthday is coming up in the next 6 months.
20.  I have an "important" age coming up on my next birthday. [13, 16, 18, 21]
21.  I would rather deal with toddlers than middle schoolers.
22.  I have found one of my teacher's to be really hot.
23.  I like to cheat as much as I can in school.
24.  I don't really do my homework.
25.  I am not into school at all this year.
26.  My parents always compare me to my sibling.
27.  I hate being compared to anyone.
28.  I have checked my MySpace or Facebook today.
29.  I really like getting new friend requests.
30.  I add people I don't know on MySpace/Facebook.
31.  My parents don't know what I do online.
32.  I do something that they wouldn't like very much.
33.  I have a Dell computer.
34.  I prefer desktop computers to laptops.
35.  I have both a desktop and a laptop.
36.  I love taking online quizzes just because they are fun.
37.  I plan on taking a vacation this summer.
38.  I plan on leaving my home state this summer.
39.  I wish I could move out of my house asap.
40.  My parents give me basically no privacy.
41.  I hate when people crowd me.
42.  Speaking of crowds, I hate being in elevators.
43.  I have been stuck in an elevator before.
44.  I have been stuck in an airport before.
45.  I like plane food.
46.  I don't like to drive over bridges, I always get extremely paranoid.
47.  After the talk of planes, cars, bridges I really want to travel.
48.  I feel like I did something today that was so challenging that my brain fried.
49.  I dread seeing a certain person or people today.
50.  After I take this, I'm going to take more.

so there you goo!! i love surveys! haha. 

lovee you. an 

and she will be loved.

so im doing another self confidence post :]

i know for me, in like the past week its been hard to feel good about myself.

the lies the pain the accusations, you start to believe them yourself. 

you start to become what they say you are, what they want you to be.

and it's especially hard when this happens and you don't even know yourself yet!

like come onnn. im 14. i don't really know who i am, i'm finding myself, as is everyone in my grade. no one has it all figured out and people have been acting like they do, and it's annoying.

but you and me maggie, we have to love ourselves. it doesn't mean we need to figure out our lives completely, but we have to love who we REALLY are because we know that, and they don't. the people who try to cut us down all they want is to see us fall, it gives them sick satisfaction. 

so here it is maggie :] you're beautiful, you're smart, you've got the whole world in front of you and you can make it happen. God loves you,

 your family loves you and i love you!! 

                              

i think this is a good reminder not just for you and me but for everyone who's going through something that seems like really hopeless, and for anyone who feel no hope left for themselves.

just keep going, keep trying and keep loving- others, but especially yourself. 

sunday.

a group of best friends, innocent fun 

tired of having their own lives run 

by others. their parents. their God. 

they laugh, they talk, they dare.

finally living without a care.

no worries about today until tomorrow. 

the mood is so happy, they're feeling no shame

the afteraffects of a cute party game.

who cares about what others think? 

she enters the classroom, whispers escalate

she doesn't know they've decided her fate

disgusting. pathetic. a whore. 

she decides that you know what, they don't have a say 

it's her life and her future she'll do it her way

let them talk. she knows who she is. 

the friends band together they know where they stand

always there for each other when one needs a hand 

it's been like that from the start.

there's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.

so that title is from all you need is lovee :]] the beatles are love, im positive of it. 

today was crazy im not gunna lie. haha. there were times today where i was just like you know what there is no one in this school building right now who likes me or believes anything i say.

all the stupid accusations have been getting to me as is the fear. just fear. about anything i guess, friends telling friends, telling family <--- that's the worst.

but at the end of the day it got better. when i had to leave, sarah was just like anja. i love you. 

and it really does turn things around. three words so simple, yet so intricate. 

it can mean so much. it usually does. and it can be said in so many situations. 

but i think it's in these that it's most powerful. when it's said when you need it most, whether the person saying it knows it or not.

and when it's shared between eyes, two mirrors into your soul communicating it between another person. that's when its most beautiful- when it isn't spoken.

the love that i have for my friends is so real like i would die without them, and i would die for them. "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."- john 15:13.

and like the title of this post i believe that this is all part of the plan. it's hard to believe it. like today at the 10 minute break? people were just saying things left and right, you did this, she did this, why ? i can't believe it, this is horrible, my life is falling apart. those were just some snippets of the conversations, haha. and at one point shan and i just looked at each other and she grabbed my hand and we ran into an empty room and collapsed onto the floor in the corner and just breathed. and said it's gonna be okay. 

because it is. <3 

take these broken wings and learn to fly.

so i'm listening to an unbelievably beautiful song. 

it's by the beatles, but the cover by evan rachel wood from across the universe is amazing. 

it's mostly about hope. i've been thinking about hope a lot lately and i've had more lately too. 

lyrics :

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life 
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

i love that whole paragraph that i bolded. and like the blackbird i have waited so long to be free, to be myself, to be who i really am. for so long others have had power over me. 

you've gotta let go. you've gotta be you. and your moment is coming. 

it doesn't happen instantly though; you have to take your broken wings and learn to fly, your sunken eyes and learn to see. it's a process. and when people events or life in general tells you you can't do it, you're done, say : 

and i, i will remember you, and all of the things that we've gone through.

"I am the mother of the most tender-hearted, high-spirited, beautiful little girl who is the spitting image of her father, all that I can cling to is his presence inside her that reveals itself every day. His family and I watch Matilda as she whispers to trees, hugs animals, and takes steps two at a time, and we know that he is with us still.”

~ Michelle Williams 

he won the Screen Actors Guild Award. so he's gonna win the oscar. im so happy. like for real. little matilda ledger is such a cutie pie. she looks so much like her dad, it's scary. 

i love my dad. he's probably one of my favorite people in the entire world. he's probably the family member that i'm closest to. like silly things we do are awesome. we watch soap operas together. we watch tv late at night when everyone else is asleep. we have poking wars. we make weird noises and talk about stupid things. but its just fun. 

i can't imagine not knowing my dad. heath's daughter technically knew him. but she was only 3 or 4 when he died last year. how does she really know him? what will she remember? what will she forget? 

having a golden globe, a sag award, and an oscar is no replacement for your father. but i think when she's older, it'll bring a lot of hope. her father accomplished something that millions of people will never accomplish. lived a life that although was brought to an end too quickly, was successful and beautiful in a lot of ways. not to mention that she has endless numbers of photos and video of her daddy that she can see all the time. not as good, but it'll feel a little bit better.

so thats basically why i hope he wins the oscar. and why im so happy he's won everything else. because not only did he, does he, deserve it but his family does too. i feel their pain. and i think this could make it a little more bearable. <33 

have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

i love that graphic.

i love how she has it written on her back. because everyone would write it there, so that they couldn't actually see it, and be reminded of that horrible truth. no one wants to realize that about themselves.

tonight's party was kinda strange. i felt like everyone was being really weird. and i feel like that all the time like i dont know where i belong, if i should stay where i am or move on or go back. move on where? go back where? i never know. 

for once though i kind of feel like i fit in. i actually have a little group. i know the girls like me and i think the guys do. i hope they do. hahaha. 

i hate that feeling though, about being alone in a crowded room because at one point tonight i was like standing behind the dc people and all the public school people were on the couch and i was like wow im pathetic right now. 

and sometimes you just feel the room spinning and changing and you're just like where am i? what am i doing here? 

its the weirdest feeling and i hate it! i hate feeling left out more than anything. and im glad that now i havent been feeling it so much since i've been hanging out with friends like soo much hahaha. but sometimes its still there, lingering like at the back of my heart and my head like nagging at me and im just like shut up i belong. but then it just keeps working on me and im like ugh no i dont. and its that conflicted feeling where you don't really know how to make it go away. it's so annoying. 

andd i'm ranting and raving now so i'm going to stop. <33 

and i won't go back, cause if i do i won't make it.

i absolutely adore that picture. it kind of makes me want to cry or laugh. depends on my mood.

so exams are OVER! yessss. it actually wasn't a horrible week. 

and i had funnn with friends today. the past couple weeks have been amazing. 

like for once i finally feel like i'm a part of something i guess. 

like for the past 3 weekends i've done something every day!! haha. 

and everyone is so fun and chill even though some guys are strangee :PP

i just dont want to screw it up ! haha. 

in the past like month i've gotten so much better with being positive and having hope. 

that's part of why i love that graphic. is because just when you think there's nothing left, nothing good can or will happen, hope is right there, coming. it's almost there. 

you just have to wait for it and it's worth it because it will change everything about your life.

like look at me. two months ago i cried like every day. and i could barely make it through school and i worried all the time and i couldn't talk to anyone and i just wanted to fall into a deep deep sleep where i couldn't get hurt for a while. 

and i dont really know what happened to bring me to this point but i thank God every night that it happened, because i've been so happy and free. 

i haven't been worrying about friends or guys because for once it's been fine. 

and friends have been great i want this to keep up! :D 

only the good die young.

I remember the day he died.
my mom was talking to her friend on the phone and then she was crying and was like anja get the laptop, people.com, now.
so i went on there and it was the whole page, breaking news, heath ledger found dead.
and i started crying. like he was my favorite actor for real i remember being like 10 and having a hugee crush on him!
and then hayley called and was like omg omg omg heath died. he died anja he died! and i was like i know.
and the next day i came into school and linda who also loved him, was like sitting in the commons sobbing. and i was like omg linda!! and shes like you know? and i was like yeah. and we were like crying.
and for like a week i couldnt leave the house. i was so depressed.
and for like literally 6 months afterwards i couldnt go on any celebrity news things, or watch movies. i was so pathetic. i was so depressed.
i think because it was literally the first time someone died that i 'knew'. or was close to or whatever idk it made me really scared especially because he was so young. i didnt do anything forever because i was like im going to die young. live fast die pretty, basically.
now i can watch his movies. 10 things i hate about you is fantastic.
and the dark knight? no words. i cried watching it. and his oscar nomination is sooo deserved. he'd better win.
so this is kind of pathetic of me i guess. i didnt know him. but i wish i had.
<3

dont forget the songs that made you cry, or the songs that saved your life.

so it's exam week! funnnnn. bahahhaa not. 

all week i've been getting through because of friends, music, and wawas hazelnut coffee :P

but now im focusing on the music part.

i love music so much. and i was listening to that song, that i couldn't find the title or the artist of, but that one line that is this post's title. 

i honestly believe that music can save lives. it's saved mine so many times. 

my ultimate favorite song and it's definitely one of the life changers- hallelujah, by jeff buckley.

well i heard there was a secret chord, that david played and it pleased the Lord, 

but you don't really care for music do you? 

well it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift,

the baffled king composing hallelujah

<3

i hadn't heard it until the day heath ledger died. my mom and i were so freaking upset about it. and some news station played this song while they ran pics and clips of him and i was just like sobbing and i've loved it ever since. 

and since tomorrow is the one yearr anniversary of heath's death i thought i would dedicate this post to the amazing song :] tomorrow are the oscar nominations too. go joker! best supporting actor yeahh :]]] 

and look for a dedication post to him tomorrow! :D 

truth or dare?

amazingg night :] 

first kiss(es) !!

hahaha. actually maggie you were my first. but its cool your awesome and we're not lesbian hahaha. 

and im really glad that i had it(them?) with chill friends who aren't going to like freak out or expect anything you know? now when i actually have an amazing romantic real kiss i will know what to do! 

and i always swore to myself that i would never lose my lip virginity to someone random in a stupid game which i pretty much did? but i don't think i would have it any other way. 

i just am afraid of what alex linds and hale will think. i can't keep this from them i actually just dashed off an email saying , life changing news we must meet!! haha. 

i just don't want to be judged. i wasn't whoring around. no one was we're all friends! haha. 

so this is just basically so i can remember what happened cause i dont want to forget ,

and maggie how was your night? :P 

the journey screams out and its no pose, cause when she dances she goes and goes.

 and at that moment, i swear we were infinite.

- perks of being a wallflower 

today was a prettyy good day. 

its finally the weekend! yes! time to relax and sleep. yes. sleep. haha i havent gotten much lately.

i adore that quote above. i have to read that book! maggie what do you think of a great and terrible beauty so far? 

so this weekend should be good. no school monday and partayy at shans on sunday!

i really hope thats fun. i still have to figure out what i'm wearing, haha. 

and shan and i made a pact or whatever that we would hug the guy we like at least once during the night. yay! haha i just dont know how to be like not awkward about it? suggestions? haha

so i guess this is also a little self confidence post :] 

like i said in world history today, the girls i call my best friends are way too gorgeous to be so. 

inside and out! amazing personalities and looks to boot :P

they can always make me smile and laugh when im not doing great. and they can always tell when i just need a shoulder to cry on or a person to complain to which is often. haha. 

and if your having a bad day or just one of those moments (we all do!) remember that: 

do you believe in me now?

believing. 

i believe in others a lot more than i probably should. 

i believe in myself a lot less than i probably should. 

this is kind of inspired by like my parents and i. we have been fighting this whole week about different beliefs. 

first, being an organ donor. 

i never will be an organ donor. i want to be buried whole, and i don't care how selfish that seems or is. my parents are basically disgusted by this and they can't stop going on and on about how selfish and wrong my decision is. i hate that. 

second, going to college. they refuse to let me go to a college on the west coast- mainly my dad. unless its stanford which if it is, "we'll make it happen." direct quote there folks! hahaha. 

my mom doesn't really care i guess. she just would miss me a lot ? no offense but i don't think i would miss them too much. except my dad. i would definitely talk to him every day online or something. 

third, tattoos. i think they can be so beautiful and self-expressive. my parents think they are classless and that only tramps have them. it's so frustrating. can you look at megan fox's gorgeous tattoo and tell me that it's not perfect? i find it so beautiful and inspiring. and it's from one of my favorite passages of shakespeare. 

last. ROAD TRIP!! my parents hate the idea hahhaa but you know what? i don't care. i will make it happen. i will go with my friends across the country to the state that i love, and i will laugh and cry and have the most amazing time. i will find myself, and i'll do it without my family pushing me around. they can't take that away from me. 

that first picture is gonna be us. just watch and believe. <3

titanic poem?? hahaa

violins swell 

beautiful music.

my story forever they'll tell. 

the ship rocks, the people shout no, 

i hold on for dear life. 

i just want to let go. 

the mast tips

my fingers slip 

i can't do it anymore. 

the ocean glistens

a great and terrible beauty. 

its their fault. they just didn't listen. 

the waves are inching closer

and i start to think it over

did i make the right choice? 

it feels like forever.

a few seconds more. 

a smile across my lips 

this is what i've waited for. 

eyes.

i wrote this in doctrine!! haha. i dont know how i feel about it. i like it, but im not crazy about it. and im not in a bad mood at all it just sounds like it. hahha. k here it is:: 

beautiful eyes 

violet skies

secrets and lies within them. 

she just wants to know

that you won't let her go 

doesn't matter. they always do. 

and her fluttery lashes hide her fear

blinking them quickly to keep in the tear

they can't. they always come. 

the iris is bloodshot, the pain is so real

she needs no words to show how she feels

they do the talking, every time. 

i truly believe that you can tell almost everything about a person by looking at their eyes. so that's where i drew inspiration from. you dont know how many times i've seen one of my friends who insists they are fine, and their eyes are just screaming, help. my heart is breaking. 

so i definitely try to help people who are like that because you have to be in pain for your eyes to say it like that!!!

today was a pretty good day. nothing really big happened. boringggness. hahaha. 

but i definitely prefer that over drama!! yes indeed!! 

i just hope it will get a little more exciting in certain ways :P

lovee anja. 

maggie. anja. forever.

so i wrote this today! and it's kind of a song/poem about a girl who is dying. and she's waiting for her best friend to get there but she can't, so she kind of tells her other friend what to say to her. i guess it could also be for a guy telling a girl? whatever. hahaha. here goes.

where am i? 
about to die? 
and where will she be,
without me?


my best friend
forever till the end
the bitter end. the end is now.
maybe you could tell her somehow.. 

tell her that i love her. 
and tell her that i trust her.
make her know i won't forget her. 
remind her i don't regret her.
and tell her to keep on living. 
keep smiling laughing singing. 
like we did together. every time.
Our hearts together, yours & mine.

i love you <3 

its not done yet. questions comments suggestions? :D 

take me away and teach me how to fly.

so i just stumbled upon some good lyrics!! and i haven't listened to the song yet but i will like ASAP. here goes :

I saw you with your girl the other day
The two of you were standing by the door
I thought- they look good together
But he should be with me

I've got more feelings
I am more aware
That when her hand is inside yours
I can't even think

CHORUS:
put your hand in mine
put your heart in my care
put your wings around my shoulders
take me away and teach me to fly
teach me to fly

I'm gonna leave this town, gonna leave this place
I can't even stand to see her face
You know that
I would love you better, yes I would love you better

this is definitely how i felt when you know who and his banquet date like had a thing for like a week?? haha. i saw them walking around campus and i was like OPEN YOUR EYES I COULD DO THIS SO MUCH BETTER. LET ME. 

i'm definitely past that point. i was so desperately sad/hopeless/stressed. and i can't really blame myself like i guess looking back i dont know how else i was supposed to act. i'm a teenage girl. hahaha. 

flying. what is flying? 

its more than the actual motion of being in the air off the ground. 

its having nothing on your shoulders. being off the ground while still on it, so to speak. 

which is more powerful than actually being in the air, i think. 

it takes so much to get us to that point. that one point where you think wow. im free. 

at this point in time im not free. i have exams next week. stupid friend stuff.

but i hope i can learn to push it off more quickly and take up my wings because i can't let it linger. 

i'm an addict for dramatics i confuse the two for love.

i love that quote so much. it reminds me to keep growing. and i am especially through all the stupid drama in our grade. 

and i think it goes along with the fact that even when things seem bad it will get better. its so easy to lose hope though like just a week ago i basically wanted to just disappear like i have the blog posts to prove it! hahaha. 

i have so much more hope now. and seeing some of my friends go through situations right now i just want to channel that into them because some of my best friends are really struggling. 

i have started talking to him more and he's commented to others about like how he likes that we've been talking more. im getting to know him a bit better and i'm happy about it. 

like today i was walking to the commons room and kess comes around the corner and says ohh my gosh. you are always so happy. you look so happy! and i was like haha whatt? 

but i guess that's good. usually i plaster on a smile even though i totally don't feel it. 

but lately i just want to smile! :D 

california here we come, right back where we started from.

there is science, logic, reason; there is thought verified by experience. and then, there's California. -edward abbey

i thought i would dedicate this post to the place that's captured my heart. heaven on earth. amazing beauty. california. 

i love it there so much. i haven't been for probably 2 years and it's horrible, i miss it so much. the sun. the beaches. the groups of pretty girls drinking jamba juice and carrying shopping bags, and the palm trees. 

nothing bAD EVER HAPPENS THERE IT SEEMS! IT'S SO COOL HOW SUCH A PARADISE CAN BE IN THE SAME COUNTRY AS DUMPY PENNSYLVANIA HAHAHA. 

i definitely want to go to college there, if i can get my parents to agree- they say they would miss me too much. i say i want to be where i need to be. 

its cold here. and its probably like 80's and sunny there. wahh! :[

we should go sometime, maggie. how amazing would that be? we'd be like this:

we've been on the run, driving in the sun, looking out for number one

california here we come right back where we started from 

well hustlers grab your guns your shadow weighs a ton, driving down the 101

california here we come right back where we started from. <3 

another survey yay!

Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight? probably nott. 

Ever had a near death experience? haha probably not but i've had scary ones where i thought i was dying but in reality i wasnt.

Where’s your cell phone? right next to me. 

What is the last thing you thought? i love this book im reading. (rebel angels sequel to a great and terrible beauty :D)

Do you regret anything? alwayss. 

If you found out you were pregnant who would you tell? probably sarah first. then hayley. then alex/lindsay/haley. maggie too !! 

What are you going to do this weekend? the weekend is overr almost haha

When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? a second ago. 

Do you prefer revenge or just pure jealousy/envy? i hate jealousy. probably because i feel it almost all the time. 

Who would you like your next “fling” to be with? haha :D you know who 

Would you curse in front of your parents? no!

What kind of camera do you have? nikon. idk what kind though haha

Would you rather go to a party or out of town? depends who im with and where. 

Are you slowly drifting away from someone close? not at the moment. 

When was the last time you held someone’s hand? friday night. 

Who can you tell everything to? sarah. maggie. linds. hayley. haley. alex. etc. 

Can you play guitar hero? a little bit haha

is any part of your body sore? not at the momentt!

missing someone right now? yeah. 

is there someone on your mind that shouldn’t be? uh depends haha 

When was the last time you saw the person you last kissed? this question doesnt apply to me haha 

Do you like your phone? yeah its okay :] 

Last alcoholic beverage? champagne. 

Have you ever slept in a bed with the opposite sex? same room, yes. same bed, no. unless brothers count? hhaa

Have any of your best friends ever back stabbed you? definitely. 

If you had to move in with a friend, which one would you pick? oh gosh haha too many picks!!

What’s the seventh text message in your inbox say? 'i have no idea.' from shan aha 

When is your next road trip? no clue. 

Met anyone new in the past week? yeah! 

What does your bestfriends call you? anja. hahaha 

Who was the last person to go to the movies with you? ohh gosh i havent been to the movies in forever! 

Are you currently fighting with someone? no thank god. 

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach? friday. 

Who/What would you like to see right now? any of my friends but i will be seeing rach and shan in a little while!

Are you mad at someone right now? nope. 

What’s the nicest text in your inbox say? 'anja dont you ever say your not good enough ever again he would be the luckiest boy on earth to have you' 

Do you mainly use your house phone or your cell phone? cell definitely. 

Is there an empty place in your heart? little bit. yeah. 

Do you count down the days till anything? alwayss

Are you looking forward to something as of right now? yeah. 

Have you ever been called a tease? hahah yeahh but im not i swear!

What are your chances of getting with your crush? ehhhhhhh i dont wanna think about it haha low. 

What is the farthest you’ve traveled with a friend? the beach or new york i guess. 

Are any of your friends so close that you consider them family? ohh yeah. 

Anyone told you a secret this week? mhmm. 

Do you ever turn your cell phone off? during school when i remember :D 

Do you hate anyone? i'll get back to you haha 

Last time you wore the opposite sex’s clothing? probably over the summer haha

What do you want in your life right now? happiness. freedom. peace. 

When was the last time you laughed so hard you thought you were going to cry? yesterdayy haha 

Did you tell someone something today? of course 

Do you trust people easily? sometimes. 

What were you doing at 9pm Friday night? partying it up at daves :D 

open up the part of you that wants to hide away.

i wish i could be that girl right now but unfortunately its cold and icy outside. haha. 

i haven't had such a good weekend in a long time. 

like honestly i mean weekends are always good- no school! but theres always something about school thats in my head and that won't leave me alone all weekend and then all sunday night, i dread the next day. what'll happen. what won't. 

we still have to do our world history project later. which we are going to fail but hey its fun filming it! haha.

i was watching gossip girl reruns last night. and this one quote was just perfect for me right now haha. 

"relief. i feel relief."- blair waldorf.

and thats what i feel! like im not crazy stressing right now which is so amazing.

and then this quote:

"prohabition never stood a chance against exhibition. it's human nature to be free. and no matter how hard you try to be good, you can't keep a bad girl down." 

i love that onee :D and im just going to have FUN from now on! im psyched haha :] 

girls just wanna have fun :D

this has been a great weekend so far!!

last night i went to dave's with shan and rach and just hung out with a bunch of people. 

it was fun. and just refreshing. i just needed to get out of the school environment, you know? 

then i had a sleepoverr with shan and anna. and they were just awesome like i kind of planned on having like a sad-movie-sob-session-eating-cookie-dough kind of night. but there were no tears only lots of laughs. we did eat the dough though :P

and yesterday i was able to talk to him. i talked with him for a little while and then all of a sudden we were alone in the room like everyone had left and i was like hey by the way all of my friends have been questioning you and im really sorry. i didnt tell them to do that. and he was just like its okay its okay. and i was like my friends are freaks. and he laughed. i love his laugh. hahaha. 

so i feel relief. i dont want to think about anything at this point except having a great time with my friends. im still sticking with everything but i won't let it control me like i did in the last week. i think i'm ready to live. :] 

for i am with you always, to the very end of the age.

that's my favorite verse. matthew 28:20. 

so like an hour ago i had a really good conversation with rachel eddy. 

she offered some really good solutions to some of my issues. and they were really involving God too. like she just reassured me that God was going to send me a guy that was perfect for me and that he had a plan. 

earlier in the year, i honestly can say i didnt believe that he had a plan. and i had friends who didn't too- and who still don't. 

but he must. it only took being on the shore in jamaica looking at that perfect blue water and sand, and thinking how could this be created by itself? he made it and he has a plan for it and he does for me too. 

and yesterday was just a bad day. and today i had some moments where i was just thinking this is horrible. my life is over. and i just repeated that verse every time. and you know what? i still like him. i still am trying. but you know if it doesnt work out i will be upset. 

but i have love from God and i always will. i guess it just took someone else saying it, to make me realize it. and its awesome. :D    

how many times can i break till i shatter?

before i start writing. maggie i cant comment on your blog. like i click post comment and nothing happens. this sucks and i tried on all of your posts and reloaded my computer and everything and tried at different times. so idk?? 

but anyway.

aekrbelkjbf this day was going well. nothing spectacular had happened but does it ever ?? 

and shan decides she is going to talk to youknowwho for me. 

so i told her to do it SUBTLY. but i dont think it ended up that way. 

so basically she was like who do you like? and he was like im pretty sure what your getting at.

she was like uh what? and he was like you want to know if i like anja dont you?

and she was like not particularly. i just want to know, she didnt tell me to ask you. 

and he was like she's really nice. but i dont like her like that.

what!?!

like yesterday he likes me today he doesnt? 

i dont know what to do. i am so upset. 

like with the banquet fiasco? when he asked someone else? 

i promised myself that i would never let myself fall that hard EVER again. 

and now everyone is trying to help me but i just don't know who to listen to. 

sam thinks i need to just throw myself into his life. kind of make him love me, persay. 

shan thinks i need to completely ignore him and see if he notices and asks me about it, aka if he cares.

tara thinks that everyone was lying about him liking me so i should just move on. 

the only thing i want to do right now is curl up in a hole and just die. or sleep for a very long time. or listen to sad songs and cry for a while (i'll probably end up doing that.)

like i said in my previous post I HATE HIM FOR MAKING ME FEEL THIS WAY.

this shouldn't be happening. i shouldn't be letting myself fall like this and i can feel myself falling but i don't know when i'm going to land. if ever. 

this is horrible. 

but, my god, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles.

so my day actually wasn't that bad. 

until. the window incident.

maggie. you know what im talking about, haha.

he probably thinks im such a freak. like literally i probably was dancing around with my hair in my face and screaming and waving my arms in the air like a total idiot. 

and it doesnt matter that everyone else was because shan said he looked around like he was looking for me, and just looked at me for like a minute and left. 

i hate him for making me worry about this!! i hate that i let myself worry about stupid things!! 

but i mean who i am i kidding i dont hate him i probably never could. 

that totally reminded me of the amazing poem at the end of 10 things i hate about you (fav movie right theree. love you heath <3).>

I hate the way you talk to me, 
and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car, 
I hate it when you stare. 

I hate your big dumb combat boots 
and the way you read my mind. 
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
it even makes me rhyme. 

I hate the way you’re always right, 
I hate it when you lie. 
I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worse when you make me cry. 

I hate it when you’re not around, 
and the fact that you didn’t call. 
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you, 
not even close…
not even a little bit… 

not even at all. 

and you will be the lyrics of my heart.

i love the first graphicc. im a total book freakkk. haha. i wish i could organize my books like that. 

most of them are just piled up or on my floor or on my bed or if their lucky on the bookcase!!! hahaha. 

<-----  i thought this was PERFECT for my fame post a couple weeks ago. i was looking soo hard for it but i couldnt find it until now, of coursee. haha. it makes me kind of sad, the picture. i want people to take my picture but if i was hunted down like that, im sure i would get tired of it.  

and the little quote below is soo. freakingg. true. i think i need to follow it more often. it sure would do me some good. 

 i think sometimes

 you just need to breathe. and be. just be. everything, nothing. 

so thats my goal. because i want to be something someday. lovee. anja 

the gangggg.

i miss jamaica! and everyonee! 

thats us. and thats me in the white bathing suit haha i look fat. and weird. but its okay because its the best group one of us, haha. 

enjoyyyy :] 

random survey :]

so im doing a random survey nowww.

and we have school tomorrow kill me now. 

and im back from jamaica. :[

and maggie you new blog looks cute but i cant figure out where to commentt? 

alright so here goes :D 

My 105 Truths

1. Full Name- Anja Katherine Hencken 
2. Like it- actually, yes. 
3. Single or Taken- singlee. 
4. Zodiac Sign- virgo. 
5. Male or Female- female. 
6. Elementary- scenic hills elementary. those were the days! 
7. Middle School- DC 
8. High School- DC 
9. Planning on college- for sure. 
10. Hair Color- blonde. 
15. Are you a health freak- definitely not. haha 
16. Do you smile a lot- when i'm with my friends, yeah. 
17. Do you have a crush- haha yeahh 
18. Do you like yourself- sometimes. actually most of the time. 
19. Piercings- ears. 
20. Tattoos- <3 
21. Right or Lefty- right

FIRSTS
22. first surgery- no clue. i dont think i;ve ever had surgery.. 
23. first piercings- ears
24. first best friend- claudia. 
25. first cell phone- when i was like 9. haha 
26. first sport- soccer when i was 3- for like 3 weeks haha 
27. first pet- some fish. 
30. first love- ajebrkebrkj; not talking about it haha 

FAVORITES
31. favorite holiday- birthdayy. 
32. favorite food- any. haha no mostly desserts 
33. favorite memory- so many. 
34. favorite vacation- jamaica. maine. seeing friends. 
35. favorite pastime- reading and writing. being with friends. 
36. favorite sport- field hockey.  
37. favorite song- hallelujah, jeff buckley. 
38. favorite tee shirt- just a comfy one haha  
39. favorite saying- i say nast a lot. and omg. hahaha 
40. favorite movie- a lot. the dark knight. 10 things i hate about you. titanic. the notebook. 

THIS OR THAT
41. high fives or what's ups- uh? 
42. jeans or sweatpants- sweats for comfort, jeans for going out haha 
43. music or tv - music, always. 
44. Las Vegas or New York- both. 
45. morning or night- nightt. 
46. brothers or sisters - my friends are like my sisters haha 
47. movies or plays- movies. 
48. smiles or frowns - smiles

CURRENTLY
49. eating- nothing
50. drinking- nothing
52. listening to- my brother watching icarly. 
53. waiting for- nothing, or everything. 
54. wearing- grey sweats and a tshirt. 

FUTURE
55. want kids - i dont know. probably. 
56. want to get married- definitelyy. 
57. live in a big house- it depends. 
58. go to college- its in the plan. 
59. live in which state - anywhere but here. 
60. go to Mexico- like the nice parts like cancun. haha 
61. produce music- idk.. 
62. visit which city - idk 
63. get braces- already have them. ugh. 
64. be baptized- already am . 
65. plant a tree - i guess? haha 
66. learn to surf - sure. 
67. careers in mind- no clue! fame! 

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
68. lips or eyes - eyes
69. hugs or kisses - so far, hugs. 
70. shorter or taller- taller. definitely. 
71. tan skinned or light- either
72. romantic or spontaneous - both. 
73. dark or light hair - it depends. 
76. similar to you or different- both. 

HAVE YOU EVER
77. thrown up on a friend- i dont think so. 
78. kissed a stranger- nope. 
80. broken a bone- yeah
81. climbed up a tree- haha no! 
82. broken someones heart - i hope not. 
83. turned someone down - maybe. idk. 
84. liked a friend as more than a friend - yeahhh. of course. 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN
85. love at first sight- it's getting harder. 
86. yourself- sometimes. 
87. miracles- yeah
88. a smile can change the world - maybe.

89. Santa Claus- haha i wish i still did but i love christmas. 
91. angels– oh yeah. 

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY.
92. are you missing someone? yeah. 
93. who do you love? my family my friends. life, sometimes. 
94. Are you cool? haha i would like to think so but definitely not. 

LASTS
95. Text message - tara. 
96. Received call- my dad. 
97. Call made- hayley. 
98. Person you kissed - no one. 
99. Person you slept with - uh myself? haha 
100. Person you hung out with - the gang in jamaica. 
101. You hugged- angela. and then i guess my mom. 
102. You smiled at- my brother. 
103. You missed- a lot of people/things. 
104. You slapped- idk haha 
105. TV show you watched- i carlyyy 

leaving today :[

so im leaving jamaica today. im sad about it.
i love it heree. and i've had so much fun!!
like on wednesday i met these two girls who were hanging out with another girl and some guys. and we basically hung out like every moment till when the two girls left last night.
we all went to see them go and there were hugs all around and stuff.
but its cool we got last names and emails for facebookk so that's good :]
i cant believee school is on monday. i still have to do homework!! math and english ew.
im excited to see everyone and to show off my tan but then again i just dont want break to end, ever!! ahah.

miss youuu. see you soon! <33