have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

i love that graphic.

i love how she has it written on her back. because everyone would write it there, so that they couldn't actually see it, and be reminded of that horrible truth. no one wants to realize that about themselves.

tonight's party was kinda strange. i felt like everyone was being really weird. and i feel like that all the time like i dont know where i belong, if i should stay where i am or move on or go back. move on where? go back where? i never know. 

for once though i kind of feel like i fit in. i actually have a little group. i know the girls like me and i think the guys do. i hope they do. hahaha. 

i hate that feeling though, about being alone in a crowded room because at one point tonight i was like standing behind the dc people and all the public school people were on the couch and i was like wow im pathetic right now. 

and sometimes you just feel the room spinning and changing and you're just like where am i? what am i doing here? 

its the weirdest feeling and i hate it! i hate feeling left out more than anything. and im glad that now i havent been feeling it so much since i've been hanging out with friends like soo much hahaha. but sometimes its still there, lingering like at the back of my heart and my head like nagging at me and im just like shut up i belong. but then it just keeps working on me and im like ugh no i dont. and its that conflicted feeling where you don't really know how to make it go away. it's so annoying. 

andd i'm ranting and raving now so i'm going to stop. <33